Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Mail

It was 4 in the morning; the sharp blade in my hand is waiting for its chance to pass through my blood vessels to allow the ebullient blood to gush out. The only thing passing through my mind was the single sentence mail that I got from her stating ‘I don’t have any feelings for u, don’t ever try to reach me again”. The lappy screen in front of me is indicating low battery with the mail opened in it but there was no sensation in me. The skin on my face was burning with all the dried tears and was forcing my eyes to close down.

I was trying to keep them open as these were the last few seconds of my life. My entire mind was blank and the only thing that I could see is her face and the only thing that I could feel is that she is not mine anymore. That feeling was like a hell and her image in my mind was irking me. I had only one choice to get relieved from this pain. That is by killing me. I tried my level best to bring the blade nearer to my Blood vessels but the coward ness in me was resisting it from touching them.

The slow track from the film gitanjali is still increasing my pain and I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. But my hands were not in a position to let the blood out and relieve the pain. I threw the blade aside and picked up the cigarette and lit it up and took a deep puff which made me feel relaxed for a moment. I felt like shouting but I don’t want to wake my parents. The time is running out and the sun is getting ready to illuminate and my hands were still shaking and I donno wat I have done to myself.

For the first time in my life love felt like a pain. I always used to laugh at people doing this kind of things but when it’s my turn I realized the truth. Love sure is a pleasant feeling when everything is going on well but when something goes wrong it sure will pain a lot and will choke ur heart. The intensity of pain is more than the last time when I had stitches without any anesthesia. The feeling that our loved ones is making out with someone else is really hard to digest. My life seemed like a blank page with all the content erased. I felt like there is nothing more left on this earth for me.

Then suddenly I started hearing the voice of James Blunt. It was the Alarm. My moms leaving to Delhi and I have to drop her at the station. Then slowly I got up and opened the window it was already six and as I opened them the fresh air hit my Eyes and soothed the burning skin. I saw people on the street performing their daily duties. Nothing has changed; everything is at its place nothing’s distorted except for the pain inside me. Then I heard my door knocking and my dad yelling at me to get up, I cleaned up all the mess on my bed and threw the blade outside and opened the door.

I covered my face with a napkin pretending as though I was rubbing it on my face. My mom was getting ready and asked me to fetch an auto by the time she’s ready. I cleaned my eyes and washed the burning skin on my face and started on to the street to fetch an auto to the station. On my way neighbors and friends were greeting me with a pleasant good morning. I saw people laughing, crying and struggling but none of them are dying. It was really a pleasant morning and more pleasant for me at least after that hard episode last night. I fetched an auto and dropped my mom at the station and came back to my home. I deleted the mail and refreshed myself with a nice bath and never thought about it again.