It was back in the first year when I first tried to propose to her. It was the fresher’s night. She looked like an angel in the white chudi she wore that night. My eyes were moving like they had some motion sensors inserted inside her. The letter in my shirt pocket is pounding my heart and I can’t wait to give it to her and express my feelings. She finished her dinner and was waiting for her car all alone in the parking lot. I saw her there and started walking towards her. My whole body was vibrating with fear and my heart was beating at jet speed. I tried my level best to stay still and walk steadily. I was nearing her and just when I thought the job was almost done I realized that the letter in my pocket was missing. By the time I started my search mission she left the place.
I decided to try again after a long time. This time in the second year during the annual week celebrations. I was one of the organizers and I had a chance to interact with the participants. She is interested in extra curricular activities and of course I was there to help her. This time I tried to use the practicing room as the place. This time I confirmed that the letter was in my pocket. I saw her relaxing in the chair after practice. I made sure that she was alone and started towards her. The Vibrations started again in my body. I tried my level best to stand steadily and all of a sudden I saw the dean entering the room. I saw him shouting at me. Donno why but he was really serious on me. Then I realized that I had to be at the presentation organized for the sponsors. He was very angry and cancelled all the programs organized by me. Even the participants turned red on me for wasting all their practice. I saw her face totally disappointed and thought she would never like me again.
The next time I had a chance accidentally. It was during the Industrial tour organized by our college management. We are on our way for a sight seeing in Manali. There we had a horse ride on the snowy hills. On our way back there was a shortage of horses and I had to wait for the horses to return. I was all alone by myself as all my friends could grab their places on the horses. I looked around to see if there was anyone left. There I saw her sitting alone having a coffee. This time there my body is vibrating not because of fear but because of the cold. I felt like it could be the right time to express my feelings as no one around understands our language and there would be no problem if she yells at me or scolds me. I tried to finish the smoke that I lit and started towards her and by the time I reached her I heard the horse guy yelling at me to come back as a horse just arrived and I can go on it. I asked him to take her instead and lit another smoke.
And then I reached the final day of the final year. The farewell party has started and I was there again totally dressed up with the flowers in my hand and letter in my pocket. That was the last chance to express my feelings. The speeches part of the party just ended and I saw people greeting each other. I stood up and started searching for her. I saw her at the coroner with her friends dressed in a red saree. She was looking very beautiful. I picked up the flowers and was getting ready for the mission. To my surprise this time I saw her approaching towards me. I was very much excited and the same old vibration thing started again. I saw her smiling at me and felt thrilled. She was nearing me and my vision went almost blank and the next second I saw her greeting a friend next to me. He introduced her to me as his girl friend. My pounding heart broke and I could imagine the letter in my pocket turning red with the gushing blood. I left the party early that night, Spent many sleepless nights before I recovered from that incident and then only I realized that Never should a person be late to say I LOVE U.
(I would like to dedicate this post to one of my best friends and his ****** whose obscure story made me write this post)
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The Mail
It was 4 in the morning; the sharp blade in my hand is waiting for its chance to pass through my blood vessels to allow the ebullient blood to gush out. The only thing passing through my mind was the single sentence mail that I got from her stating ‘I don’t have any feelings for u, don’t ever try to reach me again”. The lappy screen in front of me is indicating low battery with the mail opened in it but there was no sensation in me. The skin on my face was burning with all the dried tears and was forcing my eyes to close down.
I was trying to keep them open as these were the last few seconds of my life. My entire mind was blank and the only thing that I could see is her face and the only thing that I could feel is that she is not mine anymore. That feeling was like a hell and her image in my mind was irking me. I had only one choice to get relieved from this pain. That is by killing me. I tried my level best to bring the blade nearer to my Blood vessels but the coward ness in me was resisting it from touching them.
The slow track from the film gitanjali is still increasing my pain and I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. But my hands were not in a position to let the blood out and relieve the pain. I threw the blade aside and picked up the cigarette and lit it up and took a deep puff which made me feel relaxed for a moment. I felt like shouting but I don’t want to wake my parents. The time is running out and the sun is getting ready to illuminate and my hands were still shaking and I donno wat I have done to myself.
For the first time in my life love felt like a pain. I always used to laugh at people doing this kind of things but when it’s my turn I realized the truth. Love sure is a pleasant feeling when everything is going on well but when something goes wrong it sure will pain a lot and will choke ur heart. The intensity of pain is more than the last time when I had stitches without any anesthesia. The feeling that our loved ones is making out with someone else is really hard to digest. My life seemed like a blank page with all the content erased. I felt like there is nothing more left on this earth for me.
Then suddenly I started hearing the voice of James Blunt. It was the Alarm. My moms leaving to Delhi and I have to drop her at the station. Then slowly I got up and opened the window it was already six and as I opened them the fresh air hit my Eyes and soothed the burning skin. I saw people on the street performing their daily duties. Nothing has changed; everything is at its place nothing’s distorted except for the pain inside me. Then I heard my door knocking and my dad yelling at me to get up, I cleaned up all the mess on my bed and threw the blade outside and opened the door.
I covered my face with a napkin pretending as though I was rubbing it on my face. My mom was getting ready and asked me to fetch an auto by the time she’s ready. I cleaned my eyes and washed the burning skin on my face and started on to the street to fetch an auto to the station. On my way neighbors and friends were greeting me with a pleasant good morning. I saw people laughing, crying and struggling but none of them are dying. It was really a pleasant morning and more pleasant for me at least after that hard episode last night. I fetched an auto and dropped my mom at the station and came back to my home. I deleted the mail and refreshed myself with a nice bath and never thought about it again.
I was trying to keep them open as these were the last few seconds of my life. My entire mind was blank and the only thing that I could see is her face and the only thing that I could feel is that she is not mine anymore. That feeling was like a hell and her image in my mind was irking me. I had only one choice to get relieved from this pain. That is by killing me. I tried my level best to bring the blade nearer to my Blood vessels but the coward ness in me was resisting it from touching them.
The slow track from the film gitanjali is still increasing my pain and I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. But my hands were not in a position to let the blood out and relieve the pain. I threw the blade aside and picked up the cigarette and lit it up and took a deep puff which made me feel relaxed for a moment. I felt like shouting but I don’t want to wake my parents. The time is running out and the sun is getting ready to illuminate and my hands were still shaking and I donno wat I have done to myself.
For the first time in my life love felt like a pain. I always used to laugh at people doing this kind of things but when it’s my turn I realized the truth. Love sure is a pleasant feeling when everything is going on well but when something goes wrong it sure will pain a lot and will choke ur heart. The intensity of pain is more than the last time when I had stitches without any anesthesia. The feeling that our loved ones is making out with someone else is really hard to digest. My life seemed like a blank page with all the content erased. I felt like there is nothing more left on this earth for me.
Then suddenly I started hearing the voice of James Blunt. It was the Alarm. My moms leaving to Delhi and I have to drop her at the station. Then slowly I got up and opened the window it was already six and as I opened them the fresh air hit my Eyes and soothed the burning skin. I saw people on the street performing their daily duties. Nothing has changed; everything is at its place nothing’s distorted except for the pain inside me. Then I heard my door knocking and my dad yelling at me to get up, I cleaned up all the mess on my bed and threw the blade outside and opened the door.
I covered my face with a napkin pretending as though I was rubbing it on my face. My mom was getting ready and asked me to fetch an auto by the time she’s ready. I cleaned my eyes and washed the burning skin on my face and started on to the street to fetch an auto to the station. On my way neighbors and friends were greeting me with a pleasant good morning. I saw people laughing, crying and struggling but none of them are dying. It was really a pleasant morning and more pleasant for me at least after that hard episode last night. I fetched an auto and dropped my mom at the station and came back to my home. I deleted the mail and refreshed myself with a nice bath and never thought about it again.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
A Twist in the Tale
It was 6 in the morning and Billie Joe started singing on my mobile. I woke up and tried to stop it before my bro gets crazy on me. I looked at the reminder on my mobile and realized that it is this day that I’m waiting for from my childhood.
I took out the Archetypal pink colored letter from my almari and read it. I spent more than one month preparing that and today all those efforts are going to be put at test.
I stood in front my dressing table and had an outlook of my appearance. I realized that I need a make over for the big moment. I rushed to the parlor and tried almost all latest styles and at last fixed to short spikes one which looks good on me.
Then I started my search mission for the costume. I scanned my whole almari but couldn't find a good combination that could impress her. She likes black but I don't have any. I made sure that my bro is still asleep and opened his almari. To my luck he had a cool party ware black shirt. I slowly picked it up and left the room. I put those on after the bath and spent ages in front of the mirror and then took out the letter and applied my mom’s imported perfume on it. At the breakfast table mom gave me a complement that I looked good but that didn't help my nervousness.
On my way to the college I made sure that none of my gang members are attending the college as it was Saturday and none of em are interested in es, the only theory class that we have on that day. As I entered the class I observed that the boy’s row looked deserted except for the fist two benches. I tried to have a look at her but the prof entered the class before I started looking back.
All the time during the class I was thinking on how to approach, how to start the conversation and I was waiting for the break. As soon as the prof left the class I saw all the girls rushing out. I tried to have a look at her but it was not possible. But her voice during the attendance made me confident that she was there among them. I rushed to the waiting room and made sure that I was looking good.
As I entered the food court I started scanning the whole place for her. As it was Saturday female population dominated and it was hard to find her but after a long search I found her at the corner with her friends. She was wearing the red dress which was my favorite. She looks really cute in that dress.
I waited till her friends left the table and I started towards her. As I was walking my hands were shaking with the letter in my hand. I saw her feeling tensed as I was approaching her.
I said ‘hi’ to her and asked permission to have seat at her table. She looked tensed and inconvenient with my presence. I had a few convers with her earlier but they were all subject related and happened only in labs. This was the first time I was sitting in front of her. I never stared at her for so long from this less distance. She was looking really gorgeous. I slowly picked up the letter and put it on the table. I saw her staring at the letter furiously. That added up to my nervousness. Then I Slowly raised the letter and gave it to her and asked her to read. My whole body was shaking now as she was opening the letter. I could smell the fragrance of the imported perfume as she was opening the letter. I could look only at her eyes as the rest of the face was covered with letter in front of her. Then she lowered the letter and I could see the gentle smile on her face. Then I suddenly started hearing my mother’s voice from somewhere. She was yelling ‘wake up wake up it’s already 8, it’s getting late for ur college’. I opened my eyes and I found myself in my bedroom. Then I realized that it was a dream.
I took out the Archetypal pink colored letter from my almari and read it. I spent more than one month preparing that and today all those efforts are going to be put at test.
I stood in front my dressing table and had an outlook of my appearance. I realized that I need a make over for the big moment. I rushed to the parlor and tried almost all latest styles and at last fixed to short spikes one which looks good on me.
Then I started my search mission for the costume. I scanned my whole almari but couldn't find a good combination that could impress her. She likes black but I don't have any. I made sure that my bro is still asleep and opened his almari. To my luck he had a cool party ware black shirt. I slowly picked it up and left the room. I put those on after the bath and spent ages in front of the mirror and then took out the letter and applied my mom’s imported perfume on it. At the breakfast table mom gave me a complement that I looked good but that didn't help my nervousness.
On my way to the college I made sure that none of my gang members are attending the college as it was Saturday and none of em are interested in es, the only theory class that we have on that day. As I entered the class I observed that the boy’s row looked deserted except for the fist two benches. I tried to have a look at her but the prof entered the class before I started looking back.
All the time during the class I was thinking on how to approach, how to start the conversation and I was waiting for the break. As soon as the prof left the class I saw all the girls rushing out. I tried to have a look at her but it was not possible. But her voice during the attendance made me confident that she was there among them. I rushed to the waiting room and made sure that I was looking good.
As I entered the food court I started scanning the whole place for her. As it was Saturday female population dominated and it was hard to find her but after a long search I found her at the corner with her friends. She was wearing the red dress which was my favorite. She looks really cute in that dress.
I waited till her friends left the table and I started towards her. As I was walking my hands were shaking with the letter in my hand. I saw her feeling tensed as I was approaching her.
I said ‘hi’ to her and asked permission to have seat at her table. She looked tensed and inconvenient with my presence. I had a few convers with her earlier but they were all subject related and happened only in labs. This was the first time I was sitting in front of her. I never stared at her for so long from this less distance. She was looking really gorgeous. I slowly picked up the letter and put it on the table. I saw her staring at the letter furiously. That added up to my nervousness. Then I Slowly raised the letter and gave it to her and asked her to read. My whole body was shaking now as she was opening the letter. I could smell the fragrance of the imported perfume as she was opening the letter. I could look only at her eyes as the rest of the face was covered with letter in front of her. Then she lowered the letter and I could see the gentle smile on her face. Then I suddenly started hearing my mother’s voice from somewhere. She was yelling ‘wake up wake up it’s already 8, it’s getting late for ur college’. I opened my eyes and I found myself in my bedroom. Then I realized that it was a dream.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Wake Up Guys
38% of doctors in USA are Indians
12% scientists in USA r INDIANS
36% of NASA scientists are INDIANS
34% OF MICROSOFT employees r INDIANS
17% of INTEL employees r INDIANS
28% of IBM employees r INDIANS
INDIANS r GREAT.
But India is not.
If all their brain full fools had worked for INDIA, we would have raced US in days.
I think most of u must have got messages like this on ur mobile. I suggest u people to stop believing such bullshit messages and delete them.
As mentioned in the above message Indians are really great. They work hard, they can really make it our in any field. As it is said India Is not great is not because of these people leaving the country and working for others. It is because of the negligence of our own government. It is because of these stupid politicians who target for the vote bank by giving all these reservations.
Am I a fool to study pharmacy when people who got less marks than me garbed a medical seat
Am I a fool to work as a subordinate to a person who has an iq level less than me and has put less effort than me.
Am I a fool to ride a bike to the office when a person who with less % is riding a car.
I’m brain full for sure but I’m not a fool. I put efforts to the extreme but the Country itself is saying that my efforts are in no equal to a reserved candidates.
This is the time that we all open our eyes and fight against the reservation. Let this reservation be restricted only to the economically backward people. They are the only people on this earth who are in need of encouragement, not OBC’s, Sc’s or St’s. Lets spread this message.
12% scientists in USA r INDIANS
36% of NASA scientists are INDIANS
34% OF MICROSOFT employees r INDIANS
17% of INTEL employees r INDIANS
28% of IBM employees r INDIANS
INDIANS r GREAT.
But India is not.
If all their brain full fools had worked for INDIA, we would have raced US in days.
I think most of u must have got messages like this on ur mobile. I suggest u people to stop believing such bullshit messages and delete them.
As mentioned in the above message Indians are really great. They work hard, they can really make it our in any field. As it is said India Is not great is not because of these people leaving the country and working for others. It is because of the negligence of our own government. It is because of these stupid politicians who target for the vote bank by giving all these reservations.
Am I a fool to study pharmacy when people who got less marks than me garbed a medical seat
Am I a fool to work as a subordinate to a person who has an iq level less than me and has put less effort than me.
Am I a fool to ride a bike to the office when a person who with less % is riding a car.
I’m brain full for sure but I’m not a fool. I put efforts to the extreme but the Country itself is saying that my efforts are in no equal to a reserved candidates.
This is the time that we all open our eyes and fight against the reservation. Let this reservation be restricted only to the economically backward people. They are the only people on this earth who are in need of encouragement, not OBC’s, Sc’s or St’s. Lets spread this message.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I'm Back
So here I’m after a long time opened Microsoft word 2007 to write this sweet little post. It really has been a long time since I last wrote a post about my experiences. Of course I did write a post on elections last but truly saying it was the post which received least response on this blog. But still it influenced a few people and I’m happy for that.
Now that the elections are over and the new govt is on and I also completed my finals exams I’m back to my old boring zone. My only past time is this historic desktop placed on a dusty table from the past few years.
Last few months were like really boring as I was not in a possession to concentrate on any particular thing. Had a few quarrels with my friends, boozed like a hell, did some adventures, tried to flirt some girls etc……but none of them went well. Like every time I ended up with some sad endings.
Recently I started following a new blog Titled Confessions of a college girl. It is more like a novel rather than a blog. The blog owner is under cover and doesn’t revile her identity but still she rocks in her writings. It is really fun reading it.
After a long time I Dared to put this Blog Link on my Orkut and Facebook profiles. I didn’t find this blog safe on orkut as my abusive comments in previous posts could have kicked me out of my college but nothing to worry now as I removed them. I also came to know that my writings are bothering a few grls but I donno how it’s bothering them. If u please let me know I’ll try my level best to keep it in a good way.
That’s all I have in this post. Actually I had many adventurous experiences with grls in the past few months but I’ll post them after removing my link from orkut and facebook.
Bye for now.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Every single Vote counts
Hello Everyone I think it has been a long time since I lasted posted on this blog. I don’t have a special reason but I didn’t have time to sit in front of my computer. Actually I have my final exams from next week but still I spared some time to sit on this dusty chair for the progress of our country.
Actually I saw many people saying that this system is corrupted, this system has to be changed, someone has to come forward etc…….even I was one among them. But we never tried to do anything about this thing. These dialogues were just like a topic to pass our time during some drinking session or during some journey and everything gets back to its normal position the next morning.
I just want to explain u the position of our country with a simple example that I saw in my life. When I was in 12th I used to have a classmate whoz father is a farmer and is really very intelligent and works hard and secured good rank in the entrance exam but was not able to get a free seat in a medical college. In the same school that I studied there was this rich guy son of a Doctor, not so intelligent and never works hard and secured a rank more than ten folds of the rank of the previous guy but was able to secure a free seat in the same college and now they are studying together. The first guys father Is struggling to see his son as a doctor and on the other side our rich doctor is proud of his son and publishes to everyone that my son got a medical seat. The only Crime that the first guy did was he was born to a forward caste Farmer and the lucky second guy was born to a scheduled caste Doctor and we still see these Idiots with loads and loads of cash in their big huge ass protesting for reservation. What the hell is happening in this country???
People always say that these damn political parties are all corrupted, no one is sincere but still they vote for them. There are very few political parties that really try for the progress of our country unlike the other parties which just sell tickets to rich people and make them more rich and powerful. These few political parties are our only hope for a better future of our country but are always neglected by our public. I saw people giving interviews to the media that the government has not done this and govt has not done that but before saying that they have to realize that the govt was actually formed by them not by itself. We are the one who is letting this shit happen in this country and it is only us who can clean this shit.
So I want to suggest to the people of this nation to stop electing shity assholes and start thinking before you vote. Our vote is very Valuable, try and vote for a good party, stop voting for people who do Business with our money. Let’s vote for the Rite party and never think that a single vote doesn’t matter. Many people have a misconception that all politicians are corrupted but not all are the same. There are a few who really strive for the progress of our country.
The party that I’m going to vote for this time is Lok Satha. This party was started by Jay Prakash narayan who was previously an IAS officer. He resigned to his post as a secretary in 1996 and was striving for the progress of this country from then. He conducted many awareness programs for people of backward areas, he tried and succeeded in educating people on different issues and is the Right leader in my view who can run this system in a right manner. Actually many people know about this person, his ideology, his kind nature. Everyone appreciates him for the work he does and even everyone know that he is the right person to be a leader but still they don’t vote for him. Because they love the biryani packet and the wine bottle given to them or Color Televisions promised to them by those rich people, film actors............. who do business with our money. At least we the youth, future of our country have to take the rite decision before casting our vote. Vote for Lok Satha Party and change the face of our nation. Plz Don’t have a feeling that ‘though we vote they are going to lose the elections’. Just remember that though they loose our vote still counts.
A very important note: Lok Satha party has not promised me any Biryani Packet or Wine Bottle for this post. They just promised me a bright future.
Actually I saw many people saying that this system is corrupted, this system has to be changed, someone has to come forward etc…….even I was one among them. But we never tried to do anything about this thing. These dialogues were just like a topic to pass our time during some drinking session or during some journey and everything gets back to its normal position the next morning.
I just want to explain u the position of our country with a simple example that I saw in my life. When I was in 12th I used to have a classmate whoz father is a farmer and is really very intelligent and works hard and secured good rank in the entrance exam but was not able to get a free seat in a medical college. In the same school that I studied there was this rich guy son of a Doctor, not so intelligent and never works hard and secured a rank more than ten folds of the rank of the previous guy but was able to secure a free seat in the same college and now they are studying together. The first guys father Is struggling to see his son as a doctor and on the other side our rich doctor is proud of his son and publishes to everyone that my son got a medical seat. The only Crime that the first guy did was he was born to a forward caste Farmer and the lucky second guy was born to a scheduled caste Doctor and we still see these Idiots with loads and loads of cash in their big huge ass protesting for reservation. What the hell is happening in this country???
People always say that these damn political parties are all corrupted, no one is sincere but still they vote for them. There are very few political parties that really try for the progress of our country unlike the other parties which just sell tickets to rich people and make them more rich and powerful. These few political parties are our only hope for a better future of our country but are always neglected by our public. I saw people giving interviews to the media that the government has not done this and govt has not done that but before saying that they have to realize that the govt was actually formed by them not by itself. We are the one who is letting this shit happen in this country and it is only us who can clean this shit.
So I want to suggest to the people of this nation to stop electing shity assholes and start thinking before you vote. Our vote is very Valuable, try and vote for a good party, stop voting for people who do Business with our money. Let’s vote for the Rite party and never think that a single vote doesn’t matter. Many people have a misconception that all politicians are corrupted but not all are the same. There are a few who really strive for the progress of our country.
The party that I’m going to vote for this time is Lok Satha. This party was started by Jay Prakash narayan who was previously an IAS officer. He resigned to his post as a secretary in 1996 and was striving for the progress of this country from then. He conducted many awareness programs for people of backward areas, he tried and succeeded in educating people on different issues and is the Right leader in my view who can run this system in a right manner. Actually many people know about this person, his ideology, his kind nature. Everyone appreciates him for the work he does and even everyone know that he is the right person to be a leader but still they don’t vote for him. Because they love the biryani packet and the wine bottle given to them or Color Televisions promised to them by those rich people, film actors............. who do business with our money. At least we the youth, future of our country have to take the rite decision before casting our vote. Vote for Lok Satha Party and change the face of our nation. Plz Don’t have a feeling that ‘though we vote they are going to lose the elections’. Just remember that though they loose our vote still counts.
A very important note: Lok Satha party has not promised me any Biryani Packet or Wine Bottle for this post. They just promised me a bright future.
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